I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
