You work out of a Hotel?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
