the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Boobs are out for the taking
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
