Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
