YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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