Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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