but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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