So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
