is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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