whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
