whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
