So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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