why didn't you poke me back
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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