you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
