I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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