girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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