So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
