I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
