I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
