You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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