He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
