guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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