i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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