I hate your face
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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