i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
