i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
