i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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