I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
