Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
