did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
