She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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