based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
