dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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