there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
