I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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