okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
