Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
