I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
