Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
