They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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