My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize