There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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