Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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