But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
