I'm lost and stupid without you.
...so i touched it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
