still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
