do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
