Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
