the day after is always just damage control
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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