you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
