I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
