Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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