I accidentally had phone sex last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
