I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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