Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
