For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm always down for nudity.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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