Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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