It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need a beard to bite.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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