she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
