I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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