My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize