Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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