I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
