i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
