i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
These tits shall not be calmed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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